What does it mean if we still have ?

me and my wife are seperated. (i left because she was abusive to me physically and i was emotionally). I love her and i didn't want to leave but i didwe have been seperated for 5 months now and i miss her still. I still try to be with her but she tells me no all the time and says it's my fault. Last week she had with a nother guy a nd a few days later she had with me. And we still have at least once or twice a week. What should i do. She wont tell me she loves me but we still talk and have fun. I am so hurt about the other guy i dunno waht to do When we tried to have i couldnt get into it i felt so worthless. Should i still try and make it work or let it go. And why cant i preform anymore i normally can. Whats wrong? (sorry more than one question)